


Finding Yourself

by orphan_account



Category: Free!
Genre: Character Development, During Canon, Feel-good, Gen, LGBT Themes, M/M, Personal Growth, Plot necessary OCs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:22:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23138395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ikuya travels to America and finds that everything is different, not necessarily in a bad way though. Hiyori's reunion with Ikuya is much more impactful and both boys learn what their feelings mean, slowly but surely.
Relationships: Kirishima Ikuya/Tono Hiyori
Comments: 8
Kudos: 17





	1. Lost and Confused

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~ This fic was inspired by a headcanon I thought of when reading Ikuya's spotlight color. (I just got it in the mail on the 12th I was so happy! (I also got Ikuya's entire link up smile set and Nagisa's SLC because he's my other fave, you wouldn't be able to tell from my fics though that I LOVE Nagisa more than basically anything haha~) There is so much gold in Ikuya's SLC I'm not even kidding lmao!) I told my friend of this headcanon and that I should make it into a fic and she said "NO BALLS" so here I am, YES BALLS!!! Take THAT, Mai!!  
> Anyone at Kyoani, if you're reading this, please consider making my headcanon... canon! The LGBT community would LOVE YOU!~

Ikuya’s emotions always show themselves vividly to the world. He has never been the person who could hide how he feels no matter how much he tries. He’s sort of come accustomed to his expressiveness but still wishes he was different. He wishes for a cool look of no expression but he knows it’s not who he truly is.

The thought of Haru being able to keep such a cool poker face even when he should show intense emotion sends shivers down Ikuya’s spine in a weird but thrilling way. He’s envious and wishes he was like that. But he's not, and that's okay too. Haru’s swimming is fast, Ikuya wishes he was fast like Haru. Haru is liked by everyone, he wishes he was liked by everyone. Haru this, Haru that. Sometimes, Haru is the only thing on his mind. Thoughts of Haru causes many expressions to plaster themselves onto his face. He’s confused about everything, though. What does this mean? Is this envy? Is this jealousy? Is this something totally different?

As of late, he hasn’t been able to pinpoint these emotions. He knows there has to be more than one, or something really intense deep down in his heart. He’s young and confused and he constantly argues with himself about everything in his head alone in his room. There is no courage in him to talk about these feelings out of fear of being judged or mocked. Though, he knows he may not figure out what he’s truly feeling for years if he doesn't reach out. Natsuya has told him with age, comes not only responsibility but knowledge and wisdom.

Ikuya yearns to be smarter and yearns to know things. He’s curious and desires freedom of exploration, the freedom to be unashamed with himself. Experience in life causes wisdom. Exploring opens your mind. Growing up causes people to be better. He understands this and desperately wishes to be older. To understand and know things. The idea of being an adult and someone who people can look up to and aspire to be is truly something that pulls his heartstrings.

Ever since he was little he wanted a little sibling. He’s dreamed of being a big brother but his parents split when he was four. The idea that he can pass knowledge off to a younger sibling, someone who shares blood and has no choice but to look up to him... is quite nice. It's sad though, he'll never be the big brother he wants to be. At times Ikuya wonders if he was the cause for it. His mom assures him he’s not the reason his father left to move to California. Hell, she still assures him to this very day when he brings it up. Yet, something in his mind tells him he’s the demon that caused a heartbreak. Ikuya is blissfully unaware of why his father left. Natsuya and their mother know the truth of his departure to America, yet can’t bring themselves to discuss it with him. It's not their place to tell him the reasons.

He still to this day wishes he was an older brother, to help guide someone instead of being the one being shown the way. Natsuya is his biggest inspiration, aside from Haru. He wishes to have a younger sibling to inspire, to show the world to, to care for, and to call a friend. Even in his friend circle at middle school, he’s the youngest. The second youngest is Makoto, and he’s still four months older than him. It seems like over a year to him, though they were born in different years. Ikuya feels like he’s far behind, no matter what Natsuya, Nao, Haru or anyone else tells him. He thinks they’re stretching the truth or flat out lying to him. Being the youngest in every situation causes insecurities to arise in him.

Ikuya’s mind is a mess, he has many emotions he can’t pinpoint but… Hopefully… Soon he’ll understand himself better, he’ll understand these emotions better. Maybe he can gain some wisdom and gain some more friends to pass wisdom onto. He can't be the baby forever. Can he?

★✯★

Another heartache keeps Ikuya’s mind completely flooded with horrible thoughts. Haru quit swimming. Makoto follows Haru’s lead and quits as well. Asahi moved away suddenly. Everything is going horrible and he was just growing so happy with his three great friends. Albeit, his emotions still a mess, at least he had a stable friend group he grew to cherish. 

Asahi left just before Haru decided to quit swimming, which all took place was in December. It’s the middle of January now and Ikuya cannot help but think he’s to blame in some way, even if it’s partial. Asahi leaving was definitely a family thing, his father is a fisherman and he tends to travel a lot for work. Ikuya knows this and cannot put the blame of him leaving, onto himself. For Haru though, he can’t help but wonder if he’s some of the cause for his pain.

Ikuya is the type of person who will place the blame of others’ problems onto himself and dwell on it. He doesn’t want to be the source of people’s problems, and he tries not to be, but his conscience tells him he’s the source of everyone's unhappiness. If his mother is sad, he blames himself. If his brother is having a rough day, he blames himself. Sometimes, he confronts the people he thinks he’s wronged and accuses them of such. Accuses them of hating him so much they became sad, mad, or upset. It’s a bad habit that both his mother and his older brother try to talk him out of. Even when they’re having a bad day and Ikuya internalizes their pain as if he’s the source, they sit with him to discuss why it’s silly to think he’s the cause of their problems. 

Ikuya can’t help but internalize Haru’s quitting. He doesn’t know what moment made him want to quit and may never know. This, in general, brings Ikuya such grief. All he can do is hope he’ll come back to competitive swimming someday, even if he's not around. Haru can’t fulfill his promise… That’s what is really breaking Ikuya’s heart. Haru doesn't seem like someone who would break a promise purposefully.

Haru will not leave his mind. Not in January, not in February, not in March. February was hard without his friends. When March comes, he hopes something would be different. He hopes that on his 13th birthday, that Monday back, Haru and Makoto would wish him a happy birthday. Maybe even Kisumi, who sat two seats behind him. But Haru called off sick that morning, Kisumi was overly quiet and didn’t say anything to anyone, and Makoto didn’t really come around. Makoto must have forgotten and Kisumi probably never knew his birthday? He feels alone. He feels completely forgotten.

★✯★

The dark classroom after school is out, housed two lost souls. Ikuya and Makoto sat in that room talking for a bit, Ikuya confessing he’s leaving for America to be with his older brother. He can’t sit still. He talks about his dad and how he hasn’t seen him in so long. Makoto is shocked by everything his friend next to him says and is only wishing him luck. Something inside Makoto feels sad to see them both go, it’s almost reminiscent of when Rin left for Australia. A close relay friend moves to an English speaking country on a different continent (Australia is a continent in itself, does Makoto even know that?). A little too similar in his mind. He understands completely that it’s an amazing opportunity nevertheless. He wishes him all the best. There’s an awkward hug they share but Makoto and Ikuya will treasure each other’s presence for a long time. They helped each other a lot over the school year.

The fact Ikuya is visiting his dad warms Makoto’s heart, he thinks he’s in good hands. Being away from a family member that close in blood sounds scary to him. Imagining his own parents being so far for so long scares the crap out of him. So with all honesty, he’s really happy for Ikuya. He conveys his happiness to him rather well. Ikuya and Makoto left on a good note, unlike the others.

Makoto doesn’t speak an ounce of personal detail to Haru, all he tells him is the surface level thing of his leaving to go to America to be with his brother and father. Haru isn’t really showing his emotions but internally, he can’t help but think he hurt Ikuya. He blames himself for hurting him… unknowing that… Ikuya also blames himself for his pain over the winter.

★✯★

Ikuya has doubts and regrets, but the beautiful clouds below and baby blue sky above really melt his nightmarish thoughts away.

The thoughts that are melting away at the sight outside his window seat are rather simple. He regrets not talking to Haru and blaming himself for Haru's pain, he has no proof he caused it, even slightly contributed. He regrets not saying goodbye to him either, he deserved just that. He regrets not finding a way to keep in contact with Haru and Makoto. He also regrets not finding a way for Asahi to keep in touch too. All he can hope for is maybe one day, they can meet again. The idea of the four reconnecting as adults, maybe, warms his heart but terrifies him too.

One of his doubts stems from the fact he’s not the best at speaking English or understanding. It’s early April and his father has him enrolled in a swimming school that starts in early May. He feels the pressure to learn the language faster but what really eases his mind is the fact that at least regular schooling won’t start until the last week of August. He did better at English than Asahi, Haru, Kisumi, and Makoto when they would compare scores. But that doesn’t mean he completely grasps it. His father called him not too long ago to assure he can help with English but he’s still concerned. He knows he’s better off than Natsuya at least, Natsuya got worse grades than Asahi, and Asahi’s was really low.

Another doubt that’s laying in the pit of his stomach is why his dad left. He doesn’t know the reason and he doesn’t know if anyone else knows the reason. He's unsure if he's the cause of their break up and is petrified to even find out.

Ikuya watches the sky above and clouds below empty-minded, though. These worries and doubts he's thought of aren’t there in the current moment. They’ll land in his mind again when he lands in California.


	2. Over-Emotional Landing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one: ...  
> Not a fucking soul: ...  
> Me: Have the headcanon I mentioned in the last note!!~  
> 

The bustle of the airport is overwhelming. People everywhere, people speaking English and other languages. There are several international flights so the diversity of everyone around him is astounding. Their bodies, their voices, their accents, and their aura... It’s interesting but immensely too much for him. He clings onto Natsuya’s shirt as they make their way to their dad. Natsuya gives their dad a big hug while Ikuya slowly realizes he doesn’t have to grab onto his shirt any longer.

Ikuya has only one major memory with his father. He still treasures this one memory, even if it’s fuzzy and simple. His father took him and his brother to the beach with their mother, he remembers his father dragging him out of the ocean a few times. It seems water has always been a bias of his. He can still hear his mother laughing while his father dragged him out of the water. Another memory of that time was Natsuya throwing sand over him until he cried. Simple but heartwarming.

There are a few pictures of him in the house, he knows Natsuya is pretty much a carbon copy of him, though both he and his brother have their mother’s eyes. In reality, Ikuya is a carbon copy of his mother, just with ever so slightly lighter hair. Both he and his brother aren’t even seen as brothers when people meet them together. They either doubt them or assume they’re related in a different way. They’re full-blooded brothers, though.

As he watched their exchange he cannot help but think Natsuya looks so much more like his dad than he thought. A few seconds of staring at their adorable reunion, Ikuya finds his dad looking at him. His face is full of emotion, it’s full of… Sadness? Happiness? He can’t pinpoint the emotion, maybe he’s similar to his dad in a way? Is his dad expressive like he is? He knows he looks almost exactly like his mom but has no idea what similarities he shares with his dad other than 50% of his DNA.

His dad greets him and gives him a warming hug. Ikuya slowly puts his arms around his dad, everything will be okay, he thinks to himself. He feels at home almost, he’s missed him even though he has literally no memories of him. This experience will hopefully enrich him, he wants to gain memories here with his dad and brother.

Ikuya is stepping his right foot out into the world of unknown cultures. If the meteor shower he made his big wish on last summer with Haru was gonna set him free… Which it didn’t… This was going to. He’s starting new, fresh, completely over. He’s not only turning over a new leaf, but he's also planting an entirely new tree.

The hug his father gave him really solidified his idea that this is a new beginning and that things will be okay. He has to allow things to fall into place. Ikuya’s mind is a mess and it’s racing faster than an Olympic swimmer, but it’s not of bad thoughts. It’s thoughts of hope and exploration. His surroundings are new and sometimes new can be scary but he knows with these two by his side he’ll be just fine.

Soon after their sugary sweet reunion, they make their way to find their luggage, they brought quite a bit. They’re embarking into a new continent, it’s only fair to do so. Their luggage is hauled mostly by Natsuya and their father, Ikuya still only dragging his carry on. It seems Natsuya really can’t break the habit of babying his little brother (no matter how much he wants to), and clearly his father can’t either, despite the distance they’ve had.

“Do you remember much about me, Ikuya?” His father asks, ruffling his loose locks. This silly motion reminds him of Natsuya. He smiles and nods. 

“I only remember one time we went to the beach.” He admits, at least it’s one memory. The small boy can’t help but feel excited about the new memories he’ll create here. His little adventure will do him well.

“Oh, I remember that. Your mom and I tried so hard to keep you at our side but you kept escaping and trying to play in the ocean with Natsuya. That day is forever in my heart. That was right before I left... I have a lot to explain to you, Ikuya.” His voice grew soft when saying his youngest child’s name.

His demeanor seems almost distant now though like he’s trying to hide in a corner of shame. Ikuya senses his mood change, he can’t let worry strike down his exciting start to this new world of his.

“We can do that later, right dad?” Natsuya interjects, “It’s best to just enjoy our presence right now, how about we get food? I’m hungry! Aren’t you hungry, Ikuya?” Natsuya elbows his little brother and snaps his mind back to Earth.

“I am a little hungry.”

Their father explains they can eat when they get home. The atmosphere is murky. It’s exciting but also concerning. Ikuya is seated behind Nastuya in the car, he’s not used to American cars at all. He looks to his left to see his dad’s profile. He totally can see his expression is off. This cements in his mind he is similar to his dad. Growing inside of Ikuya is the courage to talk about his feelings. He never felt the need to share with his mom due to her constant worry. He felt guilty for causing her to worry so he just lied about his feelings and stopped conversing with her. He regrets it a little but she seems to hold no grudges against him for it, he sighs relief at the thought she still loves him. His dad may be easy to talk to, about feelings. He wonders...

Natsuya turns on the radio and some really interesting music starts to play, Ikuya has not a clue what they’re saying but makes a note in his mind after looking at the radio text displaying the band and song name. He stares at it… Remembering the letters strung together to make, what seems to him, imaginary phrases.

★✯★

Ikuya exits his father’s car confidently. Natsuya soon follows suit. Both boys are extremely peckish and complain to their father about how hungry they are. Natsuya being a little bit more cranky than his brother.

“We have food don’t worry.” Their father assures them after taking their things out of the trunk with several thuds. The trunk closes…

We? We. Ikuya focuses on the ‘we’ that escaped his father’s mouth. He wants to ask if he means him and Natsuya is the rest, yet decides against it.

They’re not in the house yet, and it’s theirs… or is the ‘we’ not referring to him and Natsuya? He’s confused but is actively trying to shake it off. He’s trying to sweep it under the rug. Trying to not have that word ring in his ears.

When they arrive inside, Ikuya realizes it’s really cozy. It’s clean, modern, and really well put together. But one thing is for sure, he smells food… Either he’s so hungry his nose is playing tricks on him or someone is cooking food actively.

We? We…

“Ah! Food? I’m so hungry.” Natsuya knows something Ikuya doesn’t, he can’t tell Ikuya things he doesn’t know yet. His dad has the responsibility and the right to talk to Ikuya about his private life.

Ikuya is motionless, he knew ‘we’ felt a little off. He can’t blame his dad for finding another woman, though. There had to be trouble in their relationship. He’s an adult. He’s still young and he has the right to be with someone he truly loves. His fathers ‘we’ very much includes Ikuya and Natsuya, though. Wholeheartedly, that ‘we’ is very much more loving now that his sons are there.

Ikuya is shy, he doesn’t want to go into the kitchen to see his girlfriend. His mind is conflicted. On one side his dad has every right to find love again, it’s selfish to think otherwise. On the other, he cannot have anyone replace his mom. He decides he’ll discuss this with his father later since it’s a big concern. Ikuya does want to give respect to her, though. It’s not her fault his parents broke up. It’s not her fault for anything. If she makes him happy, he’s fine with everything.

His older brother makes his way into the kitchen, he’s completely shameless. He decides sitting on the couch and watching what’s on the TV, despite only understanding 10% of it (if that) is better than meeting his dad’s girlfriend.

His father sits next to him and sighs softly. “I have to explain to you everything, I think I can tell you the biggest thing right now though.” His gaze at Ikuya was sincere. It held worry as well. He’s an emotional person and Ikuya is too. He’s happy that he’s like his dad.

“Okay,” It’s a simple go ahead, Ikuya listens carefully.

“I left your mother because I wasn’t being true to myself.” His words were honest and diplomatic. His attempt to facilitate Ikuya into understanding his side in a neutral way may work. Ikuya, still listening, shifts in the couch a bit. “I wanted a family and thought I could handle it but I couldn’t, and I truly apologize for leaving you so young. I still love you boys with all my heart. Sometimes I think I still love your mother too, but that’s impossible.”

Impossible. That word was a little harsh to both Ikuya and his father but, they let it go.

“You decided you didn’t want a family?” Ikuya asks during his father’s drawn out and awkward pause. He felt bad for saying the word impossible, causing him to stutter in his head what to say next to make up for his bad wording.

“No, I still want one…” He stops, he used the wrong words again, he feels more guilty than before, Ikuya tilts his head in confusion. “I have one! I have a family, you boys are my family.” He apologizes for being confusing, his youngest son only affirms he’s listening and he understands it’s a difficult topic to talk about. It is. It’s insanely difficult and Ikuya has no idea just how difficult it is for his father.

“Ikuya,” He starts, “I’m gay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a kudos if you enjoy and feel free to comment, I'd very much appreciate the feedback!


	3. Love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boy... he's confused and overwhelmed. Someone get him a cold glass of water and hug!

Those words ring inside Ikuya’s mind. What does it even mean? He’s lost. The reality with Ikuya is, he has never truly be exposed to gay people and gay culture. It’s completely foreign. The things he knows not of… Do not exist. His face is blank, no real expression for he doesn’t know what this entails. He doesn't know the person cooking them dinner is a man, that his dad is with a man. That his dad is solely attracted to other males. It’s completely not crossing his mind. He’s trying to grasp a concept but his dad interrupts his confusing straw grabbing.

“I hope you can accept me, Ikuya.” His father’s voice is soft and kind. It’s also scared and timid.

Of course, Ikuya accepts him. His father is his father. He doesn’t know what being gay really means, but it honestly cannot be bad. He hasn’t murdered anyone, right? Hurt anyone? Raped anyone? So whatever being gay is? Is it truly comparable? He doesn’t have a single clue, but most likely not. He feels stupid for being this ignorant but he can’t act like he knows everything. With age comes wisdom, he’s been told. Wisdom is obtained also by asking the right questions.

“I’m sorry,” Ikuya says as he raises his shoulders, he’s not a clue what ‘gay’ is, he has to ask. He desires more insight and knowledge, “What’s that even mean?”

His father’s eyes grew large. It hadn’t occurred to him that Ikuya might not even understand homosexuality. He thought it would be obvious, but he understands not everyone is exposed to things related to the LGBT community. His smile grows fonder. This is a teaching moment, his first one in about a decade.

“For me, it means,” He laughs a bit, he thinks it’s silly he has to explain the definition of being gay to his son, but here he is. “That I am a man who loves other men. And it also applies to women, who only like other women only.”

Light bulbs flash on in Ikuya’s mind. Thoughts string together, he has ‘aha’ moments of realization. It makes sense. He couldn’t love mom because he wasn’t attracted to her. It had nothing to do with him or anything. His body loosens, he feels like a weight has been lifted now that he knows the reason, the real reason. Not the fake reason he thought up one night when he was young and insecure and afraid.

He’s confused as well, why did he start a relationship with his mother in the first place? He goes to ask but a tall, medium complexion man comes out of the kitchen, he’s wearing casual clothes and a black apron with just a little bit of food stains on it. “Dinner is ready.” He speaks in Japanese. Ikuya tilts his head a bit. It makes sense. He allows everything to fall into place, he wants to open his heart to this man if his dad likes him, maybe he can help him too.

The four of them sit at the table and his dad’s boyfriend takes his apron off and sets it aside for the time being.

“Introduce yourself, Ikuya.” His dad says, looking at him with an expecting expression. He’s rather proud to be a father, and he couldn’t ask for better sons.

“Uh, hi?” Ikuya says. He’s nervous and shy. “I, uhh…” He fiddles around, unable to really speak.

“I already know your name, so it’s fine.” His father’s boyfriend says in Japanese, he’s aware both boys aren’t on par with English just yet. He teaches English though, he is determined to help them both learn it to perfection. “Tsuyoshi, you don’t have to make him introduce himself if he’s not ready.” That time he spoke in English. Both men laugh a bit before he clears his throat to introduce himself, “I’m Ian, I’ve been with your father for quite a while now, I hear a lot about both you and Natsuya. All good things of course.”

His expressions and confidence cause a whirlwind of emotions inside Ikuya. Ian seems so kind already, he really doesn’t feel he deserves the compliments. The sad realization of his thoughts catches him by the throat. He’s thinking so negatively. This is one habit he knows he has to break here in America. This is a new start. A new beginning. Why talk negatively about his past self? He wants to be a new and better version of himself. There is a small doubt if he can achieve such an amazing persona he can call his. Damn it he can try, though. He can’t curse his father for acting as though he and Natsuya both are perfect and amazing.

“Good things? Like what?” Ikuya spins his fork around his plate. Curious what has been said, maybe this can boost his ego, even if what’s said isn’t true or is an exaggerated truth.

“I heard you’re a fast swimmer and that you get good grades! You even do better in English than Natsuya.” He laughs a bit at the end there, glancing a sincerely apologetic look to the older brother. Natsuya doesn’t mind though, he’s proud that his brother has some one-ups on him. He’s way prouder than he can express, honestly.

Ikuya feels his face getting red, maybe asking wasn’t the best idea. He doesn’t think he’s that fast at swimming but if he verbalizes his insecurities he’ll feel worse. He only gains the courage to thank him for the compliments. He’ll definitely get faster at swimming. It’s all he desires for now.

★✯★

Ian and Tsuyoshi had arranged their spare bedroom for Ikuya, while Natsuya gets the basement. Their basement is really well put together and carpeted so he wasn’t bothered at all by the idea, it’s way bigger than a room anyway. Their father wasn’t able to ask Ikuya his favorite things or other hobbies so he asked Natsuya over the phone one day a few weeks before they flew over. Natsuya could only think of his brother’s favorite colors, shades of purple, navy, and black. And the fact he likes space and swimming… space and swimming? Purples… navy and black… It sounded easy enough for Tsuyoshi and Ian to tackle.

The two went shopping and bought some really nice things for his room. They were set on making sure Ikuya would feel it wasn’t just a house in which he lives… but _home._

Ian found some really nice purple sheets, some soft blankets, and even curtains with little stars on them that mimicked the milky way. While shopping, they couldn’t find anything really swimming-related but Tsuyoshi had something catch his eye when browsing an aisle… it was a white mermaid lamp that was just, utterly beautiful. He knows mermaids are a long stretch of swimming but, he couldn’t help it. He got it in hopes Ikuya would still like it, hoping it’s not too girly for him.

Ikuya enters the room and can’t help but feel this was really meant to be home. He looks around, he notices the bedsheets were a pretty purple color. There are fluffy blankets as well for him folded on his bed. The curtains are dark navy with little stars scattered randomly like a real night sky. He sees wall art and a nice black dresser that has a pretty white mermaid lamp on it. There’s a circular lavender rug on the wood floor that’s really soft on his feet as he makes his way in slowly, still taking his surroundings in. 

He looks in the doorway to see Ian and his father just smiling at him, he smiles softly back.

“Did,” Ikuya stutters a bit, “D-did you know the things I liked or was this a guess, or was this like this before?” He asks. His father and Ian laugh softly and shut his door, saying they’ll give him privacy. Ikuya keeps looking around.

There’s a desk with a little trophy on it, he walks over and sees that it’s a trophy his dad got… For swimming? His dad was a swimmer too? That fact was never brought to his attention… Individual medley? That’s an interesting fact. Ikuya smiles as he looks at the golds and maroons of the trophy. The reflection of himself in the shiny gold shows back to him as if he won this himself. It could be him one day. He keeps that very smile plasters on his face.

Individual medley… He, too, wants to do that one day. That takes mastering all four major strokes, that would make him super strong, he thinks to himself. That smile still refuses to fade. Ikuya is inspired!

★✯★

Being gay is when someone likes someone of the same sex… What does that really mean? Ikuya’s mind has become an ocean of thoughts. Waves crashing in, tides (thoughts) coming in… Tides (thoughts) coming out.

Ikuya tries to examine his father and Ian, as well as himself. They interact in such a comfortable way. That’s something he doesn’t see often. He thinks there are a few puzzle pieces missing but he can’t find them because he’s on a different continent. Some of the puzzle has been left in Japan. His puzzle is growing into a million piece puzzle. The more you solve the more pieces you’ll need. The more answers he gets, the more questions he has. About his dad, about Ian, Natsuya, and more than anyone… Himself.

He’s beyond confused about himself. Gay… Gay? What does that really mean? A boy loves only boys. A girl loves only girls. He’s never thought about love or being with someone really before. He didn’t think he’d need to. For a long time, he thought he was gonna be alone for the rest of his life so there was no reason to even think about girls or boys in any sense romantically.

Pondering relentlessly in his bed, surrounded by fluffy blankets that Ian picked out around the time of his birthday… He lays. Questions pull up into his mind. Questions he has no idea what the answers are.

Does he like boys or girls? He scrunches his face and dives under the soft plethora of blankets like it’s a pool of water that will calm him down. What makes someone know they like a boy or girl? Under the blankets, he shifts to his left side. What causes someone to like one over the other? Can someone like both? Can someone not like anyone? He shifts to his right side. These questions add up but with no answers to accompany them, pile onto him like they’re burdens. 

Ikuya thinks of Haru for a brief second and suddenly jerks himself upright. Haru… 

His face flushes and he carefully thinks about what his feelings are trying to tell him. He looks at the wall next to him completely flushed, his body is getting really hot and he feels nauseated. He thinks of why he fixated on Haru back in Japan.

Envy? No. Jealousy? No. He knows he can be like Haru if he trains hard enough. Is it… Love? Does he love him? Is he _in_ love with him? How does one know if they’re in love with someone? Wisdom comes with age. He wants to speed that process though, no time for time to pass.

His palms are clammy, he’s getting overheated. Escape is what’s on his mind. He takes all the blankets off of him and steps out of his bed. He turns the light on and looks at the wall clock. 11:18 pm.

He makes his way down the stairs and hears his dad and Ian talking, it’s in English so he isn’t able to understand most of it. Slowly peeking his head into the living room he gets Ian’s attention, his hair color really sticks out.

“Ikuya, you okay?” He says, concerned.

“Yeah, I just need to talk to dad real quick.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a kudos if you enjoy and feel free to comment, I'd very much appreciate the feedback!


	4. The Stars are Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter (The shortest one of the 8), the end is just a brief summary of probably like 3 to 3 and half weeks lmao! Get ready for some wholesome bonding, though!

“How did you know you were gay?” Ikuya asks his dad. They’re both sitting on the porch swing on the deck behind their house. It’s a clear night and there’s a crescent moon to the west. The temperature is just right, as well. The perfect atmosphere for bonding.

It’s a complex question but it’s one he knows how to answer, “When I was young I liked this boy. I was probably… seven?” That's interesting, Ikuya thinks. He allows him to continue, “I wanted to hold his hand and hug him. I told him that, he called me weird and gay.” He laughs to ease the tension, Ikuya nods. “I ended up intensively looking into what it meant to be gay and well, I know now. Why do you ask?”

Ikuya realizes he doesn’t know if he’s gay so he pulls excuses from his ass, “It’s just you dated mom and had Natsuya and me together, you never got married though.” Nailed it. Not suspicious at all!

Tsuyoshi isn’t surprised that Ikuya isn’t dumb. “I wanted a family and thought I could make it work, but the guilt of not giving my all to your mom weighed itself on me. I was hurting her by staying. I still love your mom, more like a friend, but she didn’t deserve to be hurt. Luckily, she and I are still close, we both care for you boys immensely.”

His words aren’t really helping Ikuya's troubles though. He’s afraid to tell him he’s confused about who he likes. It’s silly to be afraid of something simple in his mind but he can’t help it. His father is gay, he wouldn’t judge him for possibly being gay. Ikuya’s mind is rather backward for thinking this, but he cannot shake it. The feeling he feels is shame, but he doesn't understand why it's shame he feels.

“What else makes someone realize they like someone, like...” Ikuya struggles to find the words to seem neutral. He really doesn’t want to admit he may be gay just yet, “Anyone, like… how does one know they like a person in a romantic way no matter who it is?”

His father looks at his distressed son with sympathy and he ruffles his hair. “Does the thought of you hugging and kissing them repulse you? For starters I guess...” There is more to attraction than the small romantic gestures. Ikuya is a teenager, he knows about sex clearly… But Tsuyoshi starts off small. Baby steps of imagery.

Ikuya’s hand hits his chin as he thinks. Could he kiss Haru? He pictures it… It’s not repulsive to him. At all. He can see himself holding his hand as well, hugging him… Even more kissing. Nothing isn’t really upsetting him about these scenarios. That’s pretty gay.

This is a small wake up call. His father tells him about the fact homosexuality isn’t uncommon. He tells him it’s a thing many animals experience and show in nature. The more they converse and the more they bond the more comfortable everything seems between them. He’s not ashamed of his thoughts, it’s normal… It’s natural. From now on, no more shame. He just wishes he could go back and confess his feelings. Would things be different? Would he be judged? He thinks more and more about everything under the stars. The stars route for him. 

He thanks his dad and insists on staying outside to look at the stars for a while, his dad agrees to let him stay outside but sternly tells him to stay in the backyard. Protective much? Ikuya thinks to himself, but it’s nice that he cares enough to worry.

Looking at the stars really puts ease into Ikuya’s mind. The stars flicker, they’re sparkling, they shine brightly over him, a spotlight for him. Ikuya knows most are probably dead, but right now, as he looks, they’re alive. Alive in his eyes. Alive for him. They shine for him.

★✯★

Over the month of April, Natsuya and Ikuya practice English with their father and Ian. Both boys are improving without a doubt. But Ikuya is shy and unable to see his improvement due to the shadows of insecurity that linger around him. Natsuya assures him he’s still better than he is at English.

Other than English practice, Ikuya and Natsuya spend time with their father and Ian, sometimes together, sometimes apart. Both brothers are also opening up to Ian as well. His personality meshes very well with Natsuya’s. Ikuya’s is very similar to his father’s personality. Equity is on their side.

Tsuyoshi and Ian are very observant of the boys, they learn their quirks, habits, hobbies, and interests. Even their dislikes… They learned the hard way Ikuya despises milk. So much so they bought different substitutes to test on him. Sweetened almond milk seems to be one he’s pretty okay with. Sweeter flavors are Ikuya's weakness.

One day Ikuya was watching TV when he stumbles upon a channel playing music. The song he heard in his dad’s car that one time was playing, and the music video was a good visual for him. He could understand it way better due to the visuals, not just because he learned English a teeny bit more. He stays on this channel for hours in the coming weeks. Continuously intrigued by the amount of content it holds, he plans to keep tabs all through summer and even then some.

The boys have really enjoy their April in The States… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a kudos if you enjoy and feel free to comment, I'd very much appreciate the feedback!


	5. Couragous Prince

It’s May 5th, Ikuya starts attending a swimming school in which he’s excited for but overall Ikuya is very nervous. Despite his weird clashing of feelings, he swallows his nerves to seem confident to everyone around him. His school is for international youth, it’s not a regular school. It's for learning the techniques of swimming to compete on a global level, it includes vigorous training and information.

His English has developed over the course of April, but he's still not fluent enough in his eyes. There is not a subject where he will definitely need English here. People from many countries are here to swim, grow, and participate. He’s rather thankful for this fact, he’s not the oddball whose English isn’t really developed. He has all summer to perfect it, even a little. The feelings of insecurity still flow within him despite understanding this.

The fluffy mind of Ikuya also wonders… Is there anyone who’s Japanese? He can converse with them? Maybe he can be their friend? 

Ian decided to be the one taking him there, and Ikuya will be staying there for four hours. He gives Ikuya a small pep talk of encouragement while on the way to school. Natsuya is in the car for support as well, he’s not attending but has other things to do involving swimming. Ikuya really needs the encouragement.

Once Ikuya has had enough of their pep talks, he listens to the music from the radio to drown them both out. Ian pays attention to Ikuya from behind Natsuya… Noting the song that’s playing and Ikuya’s small movements.

★✯★

Ikuya is overwhelmed, to say the least. His peers and he are split up, age, sex, and skill level are what everything is based upon. There are different coaches around, all of which speak a plethora of languages. Japanese is brought up with two specific coaches. Some coaches even know more than two languages, some know three, four, or more. Ikuya is impressed by the number of languages someone can learn, he’s also a little jealous. He wishes he could learn many languages too. Maybe he can in the future?

He looks around him, he sees so much diversity around him. He understands why America is like this though. It’s a beautiful thing. Ikuya’s curiosity grows more and more. He looks more and more around him. He takes in everyone’s existence. He’s in the age range of 13-14 year olds. There are exactly 24 people here, it’s evenly 12 male to 12 female ratio for his side. They’re talked to by coaches and told to mingle a bit.

Ikuya’s hype of diversity subsides completely. He’s terrified to talk to people. This causes Ikuya to hug the wall of the building next to him. The school has three main pools. His is the western outside pool. The east side outdoor one, with the age group of 15-16 year olds, if Natsuya attended this would be where he is. The 17-18 year olds get the indoor pool.

The wall keeps Ikuya company, he doesn’t really watch his peers mingle, he stays looking at his feet. He moves them, wiggles his toes, and stares intently at them as if his life depends on it. He’s afraid if he looks up that someone would want to talk to him. He hopes he’s invisible to everyone around him. He really hopes. 

His mind is fighting with itself. On one hand he knows this is a new beginning, and he needs to make friends and spread his wings. On the other, he’s afraid to open up and gain friends with the fear of losing them… He decides right now he’ll stay in the shadows and open up to someone later, maybe even later today if he’s brave enough. Giving him time to assess his surroundings is necessary for his mind. What was that saying? With age comes wisdom? It could be rewritten like ‘With time comes understanding’ can't it? He thinks as he stays hugging the wall.

★✯★

As he swims Ikuya feels the presence of an individual who the water truly accepts. He’s shocked by the strokes he makes. With all honesty, he can tell this swimmer next to him could swim on an international level if guided with the right training, probably why he's here. His interest has peaks. The boy touches the wall… Ikuya gains the courage to talk to him. His chance to make a friend is now.

“Nice swimming!” The words flow confidently from his lips, he spoke in Japanese without a care if the person would be able to understand him. His English makes him insecure, so the confidence of Japanese flowing from him is like armor. The smile on his face is warm and sincere. Ikuya means it.

“Thank you…” The boy next to him says in English… “Wait. You speak Japanese?” He was timidly accepting his compliment but it hit him. The boy who complimented him can speak Japanese. He looks at the boy with eyes bigger than the moon. He’s familiar? The boy in the next lane smiles… _He’s very familiar._ The boy with hazel eyes has small flashbacks from his kindergarten days. Those dark amber-colored eyes are very familiar. That smile was so warm and recognizable. Taking the chance, he gains courage fast. He’ll lose that smile once more if he doesn’t gain the confidence to speak to him.

Ikuya continues to swim, though. Happy he gained the confidence to talk to someone. Even happier they understand Japanese, though it is kinda embarrassing at the same time.

The boy calls out from behind him. That courage he gained works and Ikuya stops. He introduces himself, his face is flushed. Ikuya slowly removes his goggles.

“Tono… Hiyori!” His body is stiff with anxiety. His leap of faith. His blind jump off a ledge into the unknown, it may just land him a friend. He’s very lonely, he has never had a friend before. Hiyori desperately craves someone to have by his side.

“Kirishima Ikuya.”

 _Kirishima Ikuya._ That’s a name he will never forget. He knows for sure… This is the same boy that wanted to swim with him back in Iwatobi. It’s the same boy, who smiled so intensely that it outshined the sun. His smile, in his mind, still replaces the Sun.

Back then Ikuya held his hand gently and he talked to him about wanting to swim for the Olympics and that Hiyori should swim with him forever. He remembers going to the locker room hand in hand and Ikuya talking about his brother, about swimming, and about other things. He remembers it very vividly.

This boy he met there seemed lonely as well. His vibrancy, his confidence, and his overall happy personality, he could tell was caused by wanting to make friends too. Hiyori would watch him interact with his brother, and his brother only. Ikuya was lonely. Hiyori was lonely. They’re lonely but together they could push through that. Two lonely souls that can understand each other one more than one wavelength.

Ikuya was the first person who was genuine with him. The first person to actually want to be his friend. Other kids would pester him, be rude, or completely ignore him. He felt like if someone talked to him it would out of pity or because their parents told them to.

That little spook Ikuya gave Hiyori, his big round kind eyes with those long eyelashes, his friendly smile, his compliment (which is the same as the one he gave today), his hand reaching out to hold his, the small conversation they had after swimming and in the locker room while still holding hands. He replays that in his head very often.

Hiyori doesn’t want to let Ikuya go, he refuses to let him go. Soon after their first fate meeting occurred though, he moved. Ikuya asked the coach about the boy he had just met, who he never got the name of… He was unfortunately informed he had just moved. His heart sank to the ground. As did Hiyori’s, thousands of miles from his new friend.

The lonely boy, Hiyori Tono, drew Ikuya often in his youth. Ikuya was the prince in his story, his hero, the one he longed to be beside… And he was the mermaid, the one who would do anything for him, even if it’s painful. The drawings he made, he kept. Sentimental things like that are important to Hiyori. He could never let those go. Maybe holding onto those drawings was good luck, he drew his prince closer to him.

Both boys decide to keep practicing since there is still an hour left. Deciding they could totally talk afterward, at a nearby park. Their hearts race as they race.

★✯★

Getting out of the car, Natsuya tries to find Ikuya to escort him to the car. He knows Ikuya won’t be able to find the car so he takes it upon himself to find him. Soon enough, he is approached by Ikuya who informs him he made a friend he wants to hang out with for a little while. Hearing this really calms Natsuya’s only worry. Ikuya was gonna be lonely. That was his only worry. The boy tends to isolate himself yet he hates being alone. A stupid pair of traits to have together, but definitely two things Ikuya does. He can’t judge him much, it makes sense in a weird stupid way. Natsuya comes back empty-handed, no little brother by his side but he hands the information off to their dad in the car. He’s totally fine with it and is rather happy his son made a friend, especially one that speaks Japanese.

Ikuya and Hiyori walk to the park closest to them. The park is just a few blocks so away and is rather big. The scenery is gorgeous for May and the sky is a brilliant shade of light blue. This day was in his favor. Both boys believe this day was in their favor. For different yet similar reasons.

They converse as they sit on the grass. They talk about where they’re from. Iwatobi? Iwatobi! They talk about their interests. Ikuya admits he’s not the best in English and Hiyori offers to help if he wants. Ikuya thanks him but declines, Hiyori says it’s always on the table. They talk and talk, it’s how their bond will grow. Soon enough, Natsuya pulls up on his bike to check up on Ikuya and his friend. He introduces his brother. Hiyori acknowledges his friend’s brother, he looks similar to his memory as well. Natsuya reminds Ikuya to not stay out late and that he’ll be walking home. Ikuya is fine with this and continues talking to Hiyori as Natsuya rides away. Natsuya takes note of how kind Hiyori seems and how Ikuya seems to be in good hands.

They share more interests, stories, and before they know what hit them, it’s getting dark. Ikuya props himself up. His sitting position from before caused his legs to fall asleep, so he stumbles. They’re on a little hill so he loses his balance rather quickly. Hiyori notices and catches him and helps Ikuya steady himself. They exchange blushing ‘thank yous’ and ‘no problems’. Ikuya’s heart beats rapidly as he walks home, Hiyori apparently also walking home alone. And his heart is racing just as fast.

★✯★

“I’m happy you made a friend!” Ian says, hugging Ikuya.

“Yeah, I’m surprised by it.” Ikuya squeaks, accepting the hug. He’s always loved physical affection. Hugs are truly his weakness.

The truth of the matter is Ikuya is still absolutely shocked he gained the courage to talk to Hiyori. Ikuya didn’t know he had it in him to confidently talk to a stranger like that. Especially so soon into the swimming school.

When Ikuya comes home, he comes home to people who love him and are unafraid to show love. Three people who without a doubt would cancel plans to be with him if he was sad, sick, or having a horrible day. The three people he can talk to about literally almost anything. He also still has his mother who he calls and sends letters to back in Japan.

Hiyori arrives home the same day he meets Ikuya and his house is empty. Not a surprise. Both his parents are doctors, they work most of the week and even if they have time off they can get called in at any time. It just comes with their field of work. He sighs, gives a low effort ‘I’m home’ despite his parents not being home to welcome him back.

Making his way to his fridge causes his frown to grow more and more. He looks inside and sees it’s full of food. He knows he should eat but wishes he could eat at the dinner table with his parents at least once more. It hasn’t happened in months. It was one thing he wanted to do on his birthday but his mother had to work and his dad suddenly also got called in. Eating alone is pathetic, he thinks. He feels completely depressed.

He decides to just get a small snack and eats it in front of the fridge. He drinks some water and then heads up into his room deciding he was just gonna finish a book he got from the library a couple of days ago. Deciding to post-pone his hygiene since no one can stop him from falling asleep after 11 anyway. Reading distracts Hiyori from his sad reality, he'd much rather be reading than doing necessary self-care. To him, reading is actually real self-care.

While Hiyori reads alone in his room, Ikuya decides to play video games with his older brother after they ate dinner and it typically ends up that both boys win half the time. They’re either equally good… Or equally bad?

Ikuya’s time in the house never makes him feel lonely… Hiyori’s time in his house is painfully always alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a kudos if you enjoy and feel free to comment, I'd very much appreciate the feedback!


	6. The Mermaid of the Abyss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have really been distracted when editing this chapter, I hope it turned out fine! Excuse any mistakes! ;w;

Ikuya and Hiyori now talk all the time before, during, and after their swimming school. They’re bonding and growing closer and closer. It’s been a couple of weeks since they first met and they’re on the verge of becoming best friends. Though, Hiyori sees Ikuya as his best friend and always has. He isn’t sure Ikuya thinks of him that way yet, especially since he doesn’t remember that one time they shared in kindergarten.

Ikuya slowly starts opening up to others as well. He realizes everyone is shy about their English to some capacity. The idea that others get insecure and others are scared like him, really calms him and makes him feel normal. There’s nothing like being on the same wavelength as your peers. He’s grateful for his extra steps outside his comfort zone. Learning things about those around him, even if he doesn’t get too close to them, is nice.

Slowly but surely his confidence grows even so. His friendship with Hiyori is flourishing at a rapid rate. His swimming is what he needs to focus on now, too. Stronger. He wants to be stronger. Faster. He wants to get faster. The only way to achieve this is to push yourself. Not too hard, right? Just enough that you slowly gain endurance. If you don’t push yourself you stay the same, right? He battles in his head how much pushing is too much. He can’t tell if he pushes just enough, not enough, or if he’s completely overdoing it. Overdoing it has almost cost him his life before… Haru saved him and he’s truly grateful for Haru and his old friends in general for showing he can open up to his peers.

He’s pushed himself too hard before but can he stop himself from doing it again? He doesn’t really want that to happen again. The fears of the water encompassing you, you feel heavy, you feel trapped, you feel as though your last moments will be dark and solitary. Haru saved him… Haru… 

His mind suddenly floods with thoughts of Haru. Ikuya is swimming but he’s completely distracted. Haru. That’s all that’s on his mind. Haru. He wants to be fast and strong like Haru. It’s not just his mind that floods… soon enough his entire body is engulfed by the pool water. His lungs flood. His mind slips to black. As he slips. Haru’s gone, he’s really gone. He doesn’t believe anyone can save him. 

“Ikuya!!” Hiyori watches in horror and springs into action instantly. He’s never swam so fast in his life. He pulls Ikuya from the water and more help arrives to aid him.

As he watches Ikuya get CPR, he’s calling his name. Hiyori genuinely has never been this scared before. Someone he cares about is on the brink of self-extinction. The CPR works but Ikuya isn’t back to reality. The ambulance was phoned before CPR even happened. Hiyori obviously cannot go onto the ambulance. The young boy’s mind is a complete and utter mess. He can’t visit and see if he’s okay, he’s forced to wait.

So he waits… He walks home… He waits… His mind is a pool of worry and anxiety. He would hate to call their house at such a devastating time. Ikuya had given him their home phone number, he’s called a few times. Nothing is really stopping him though, he wants to let his family know he cares enough to want updates. He dials the number. It’s ringing. It goes to voicemail and he slowly realizes something bad could have happened. He hangs up and tries again. It rings and then it goes to voicemail. Hiyori is in a small panic but scans his brain for things to say in the message. He hears the beep and swallows.

“Hey, It’s Tono Hiyori. Ikuya’s friend from swimming school. I’m really worried about him after what happened today. I would really like to know if he’s okay. He’s my best friend and I would appreciate the opportunity to see him in the hospital and to know his condition as soon as possible, thank you.” He hung up. He hopes his message is worthy enough for his parents. He’s never formally met his mom and dad but Ikuya doesn’t really talk much about them specifically. He talked once about how his dad picks him up, that was really it.

There are three major hospitals in San Francisco. His parents both work at the nearest one, which is most likely the one Ikuya went to unless they transferred him to a different one. Different hospitals specialize in different things. One is better for cancer treatment, while the other has really good treatment for people with severe burns. This is a thing all around the world. He doesn’t know what hospital would specialize in this but, most likely, he’s in the one closest to him. The one his parents work at.

There are confidentiality contracts that prohibit patients' names being given to strangers or unauthorized people. His mom and dad could get in serious trouble if he contacts them and asks if Ikuya is there and if he’s okay. So this option is out of the question.

He waits. Not wanting to sleep in his bed, he waits by the phone in case they get it and want to answer him back. Sitting on the floor comfortably next to it, staring ahead at the hallway before him.

★✯★

Natsuya, Tsuyoshi, and Ian get home from visiting Ikuya in the hospital. He was still unconscious when they arrived but he woke up after some time. The three discuss the topic of Ikuya and how they can prevent this from happening a third time. Natsuya was getting pretty upset at the thought of the conversation even needing to be had. He believes Ikuya should just stop pushing himself too hard. Their father informs his older child it’s easier said than done. Natsuya hates how his dad is right but he shuts up. The discussion is needed for Ikuya’s safety.

Tsuyoshi makes his way upstairs and sees a blinking red dot on the home phone’s answering machine. He picks it up and listens to the message. It’s from Hiyori, Ikuya’s new friend. He can hear the distress in his voice. The way his words move faster than a bullet. The overly sincere and scared thank you at the end. His heart aches for him, he witnessed Ikuya almost die. He’s worried, he knows it’s late, very late but he calls back.

Sitting on the floor next to the phone with his arms crossed to keep himself warm, Hiyori is half asleep, when he hears it ring. He jolts up faster than the speed of sound to pick it up expecting it’s his best friend’s parents calling him. He sees the caller ID and he’s right. He’s soon greeted by Ikuya’s father’s voice.

Their conversation is short but Hiyori is given vital information. Ikuya is okay but the oxygen deprivation may have caused some brain damage they can’t detect yet, Ikuya is at the hospital closest to him, and that Hiyori is welcome to visit him any time. All this information is stored within Hiyori… His anxiety subsides a bit and he makes his way to his bed. Only time will tell if it really hurt him.

★✯★

Ikuya suffered his accident yesterday but it seems to him like he’s been in the hospital for a week. His father and Ian are next to him, keeping him company and talking to him about anything and everything. Their conversations are to ensure he’s occupied, stimulated, and doesn’t feel lonely. Nothing seems to be really wrong with Ikuya, but that doesn’t mean his brain wasn’t affected even slightly by the drowning. There is guilt on his shoulders, though. The fact he has to put his father and Ian through this sort of pain destroys him in more than one way. He remembers seeing his mom the first time in the hospital, she cried her eyes out and held his hand tightly for well over an hour, refusing to really say anything other than ‘I love you’. It’s gotta be hard to be a parent, Ikuya thinks to himself. 

“Excuse me?” A soft voice from a young man who peeps his head through the hospital door calls out. He presses his thick black frames up the bridge of his nose and bows his head in apologies for interrupting. “Am I allowed to come in?”

“Sure! Hiyori, is it?” Tsuyoshi says, standing up from the small seating sofa. Ikuya talks about Hiyori a lot and he’s happy he’s finally able to meet him.

“Mm,” Hiyori bows once more coming in slower, shifting his bag around him to get more comfortable.

“Ikuya has told us a lot about you!” Tsuyoshi says with enthusiasm, Ikuya dives his head behind his knees as he is sitting up in his bed. He’s hiding his shame.

Hiyori shifts his gaze from Tsuyoshi, who he assumes is Ikuya’s father, to Ikuya. Thinking his actions are rather precious. He can tell Natsuya looks very similar to their father, leading Hiyori to assume Ikuya must take his looks after his mother. But when he shifts to the corner he sees another man in the corner, standing with a hand in his pocket. He’s of medium complexion and dressed rather nicely. He smiles at Hiyori and Hiyori smiles back awkwardly.

“He’s told me about you too, you’re really-” Ian is interrupted by Ikuya. Hiyori notices this man’s Japanese is pretty perfect, especially for someone who clearly isn’t Japanese.

“Please stop you two.” His face and ears are shades of pink, he’s flustered and completely embarrassed by his father’s and Ian’s actions.

“Awe, Ikuya. Haven’t you told your friend how much you care about him?” Tsuyoshi snickers a bit, he loves the idea of embarrassing Ikuya, it’s a very father-like thing to do. Hiyori just awkwardly stands by Tsuyoshi, smiling, which his smile, too, has grown more awkward.

The young man’s mind is a mess though. Knowing Ikuya cares about him has raised him up miles above the ground. It’s a nice feeling. To be cared for. To be loved and appreciated. It’s something he has never experienced. This new sensation of just praise, friendship, and adoration… It’s completely euphoric. His smile reads as awkward, but his heart is soaring straight into space. He’s flattered and happy.

“Dad!!” Ikuya throws his hands up and waves them around, Hiyori has the confirmation that this is definitely his father, “Please, just… Stop!”

Hiyori understands why Ikuya wants his father to stop, though hearing nice words from him is truly spirit-lifting. 

“Make sure to tell your friends you appreciate them, Ikuya.”

That’s a genuinely good word of advice, Hiyori hears this and takes note to let Ikuya know he appreciates him too.

“Please leave… You can come back later, Hiyori is here now,” Ikuya pouts, Ian laughs under his breath at how adorable Ikuya really is and Tsuyoshi throws his hands up as if they’re a white flag.

“Okay, Ian and I will leave,” He looks at Ikuya, then to Hiyori, “Thanks for coming in today, it’s nice meeting you.”

Hiyori was given an awkward handshake by Tsuyoshi.

“It’s nice meeting you, whenever Ikuya is out of the hospital, please pay us a visit. Do you have our address?” Hiyori gives his thanks, and nods, he does indeed have Ikuya’s address.

After they leave Hiyori’s mind fills with confusion and curiosity. His father and a man named Ian? He doesn’t want to ask questions but he’s seen a diverse number of individuals in his time in San Francisco. Different races aside, he’s seen different sizes too, and even people of different sexualities. He never really thought too much of it. He was raised (that term is rather loose) by a man and woman, he’s curious though… How Ikuya was really raised. He would hate to intrude too much, and Ikuya only has mentioned surface level things. He lived most of his life with his mom in Japan is a broad statement, is she still in Japan. Hiyori assumed she came with him to The States. His father is American, his brother has lived with him all his life no matter where he goes. Though, there was a point they didn’t really talk for a couple years. All conversations were really surface-level things, not really diving deep into it. Hiyori also only gave surface level things about himself relating to his parents especially. He hopes they can expand into more details as they grow more snug into their friendship.

“I’m sorry, they’re really embarrassing at times,” Ikuya says, interrupting Hiyori’s thoughts. Hiyori snaps back to reality. He shakes his head assuring it’s fine, he wishes his parents were involved in his life like this. There’s a tinge of jealousy in his heart but he’s rather happy Ikuya isn’t neglected like he is. But to be fair, he’s used to being alone.

“It’s fine, don’t worry. Parents can be like that sometimes, huh?” Hiyori gave a smile but it wasn’t really genuine. He’s never experienced his parents embarrassing him like that out of sheer love. To be honest, he’d love to. Even if being embarrassed isn’t a good feeling, the reason parents do it is because of love.

Ikuya takes his smile at face value and smiles back. “Yeah.” The atmosphere isn’t really that awkward, but it’s an interesting silence.

“Oh!! I got you some books, in case you get bored.” Hiyori scavenges through his bag and hands Ikuya a few books, “I really liked these ones.” The silence helped him remember he brought a bag of books for Ikuya.

Ikuya takes the books but apologizes. He’s never been much of a reader and it’s one of the reasons he’s insecure about Japanese languages when it comes to reading and writing. He can speak and understand it verbally just fine, but it’s always been his worst subject. Kanji is his kryptonite. Ikuya despises kanji and would rather write and type using only hiragana and katakana.

Hiyori feels bad for not knowing what Ikuya truly likes, he also apologizes. He wants to help ease him though. He’ll go to great lengths to make Ikuya happy. The atmosphere of the hospital is scary and anxiety-inducing, Hiyori wants to make sure Ikuya’s stay will be comfortable and as enjoyable as it can be. Hospitals aren’t fun, at all… But the more you have to do and occupy yourself with, the better the experience.

Ikuya thinks Hiyori is amazing for his ability to read very difficult books. Hiyori solemnly takes the compliment 

“There is one book I like though,” Ikuya says, his face reads gentle, he lowers his head a bit. His shyness is escaping him.

“Really? Which one?”

“The Little Mermaid.”

Hiyori’s face, to Ikuya, reads as judgemental, he gets defensive. “Hey! You’re creeped out!” He shouts to him.

“Eh?” Hiyori's voice was soft and confused.

“You think it’s too girly!” Ikuya accuses Hiyori of being judgmental.

“I wasn't thinking that, honest!” Hiyori waves his hands in protest. He’d never judge someone for something superficial as liking a book. Ikuya forgives him and starts to laugh, it’s a beautifully soft and sugary sweet laugh. Music to Hiyori’s ears, he smiles at him, taking in his laugh, and wishing Ikuya’s laugh could last forever.

★✯★

One day after visiting Ikuya, Hiyori ran into Tsuyoshi who was just making his way into the hospital. He had the brilliant idea of passing off knowledge he learned recently.

“I know a book Ikuya likes!” Hiyori smiles at him, Tsuyoshi smiles back.

“Really? Which one?”

“The Little Mermaid, the one by Hans Christian Andersen.”

Tsuyoshi takes note of this and makes plans to obtain it for Ikuya.

★✯★

Hiyori often visits Ikuya in the hospital, there are times he’d go up several times in one day. He’s grown accustomed to Natsuya, Tsuyoshi, and even Ian. He has also learned more about Ikuya’s family and their dynamic over the past couple of weeks. It wouldn’t be honest if Hiyori said he wasn’t taken aback by the family itself. A mother who never married, had two kids, the father then leaving to be with a man because he’s gay. It’s interesting, to say the least, at the very very least…

The disheveled teen never thought about sexuality really, he’s always known it existed of course. He’d never analyzed his own sexuality. Several nights of intense reading, searching, and documentation left him with almost no answers. He writes his thoughts about everything. He searches on his home computer for clues and for research. He lays dormant in his bed processing his feelings and thoughts while looking at the spikes and swirls in his ceiling. They create pictures in his mind… Nothing makes sense. He’s at a loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saying this once more~ If you like it please give it a kudos and/or a comment! Thank you~ ♥


	7. Rewritten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Editing this has been rather wonky, I hope everything is good. I stopped taking my meds AGAIN... so editing is really hard so please excuse any mistakes/grammar errors! Thank you~

It’s 4 in the morning and Hiyori’s dreams had awoken him from a restless sleep. He slips from his bed, grabs his glasses, and looks out his window to see the star's positions. Adjusting his glasses, he sees Aquarius to the southeast. He calculates the time in his head and sighs. He’s rather annoyed by the fact he woke so early. The inconvenience of his waking takes a stupid toll on his mind. He makes his way to search for the light switch. Once the lights on his annoyance only grows.

He’s awake at a stupid time of the morning, he didn’t rest well either, and most importantly… He still can’t find his feelings on sexuality. He rested on his confusing thoughts and woke to no answers.

Swift movements and a few seconds later he’s on his bed with his legs crossed, setting his notebook (more of a diary of his recent thoughts) in front of him. He twirls the pen in his right hand while he flips and reads his thoughts from the past few days. Analyzing them and trying to figure out what’s really true in his mind. He sighs at his inability to understand himself. Isn’t one supposed to understand themselves more than anyone? He’s frustrated.

What makes one understand who they love? If that love is romantic, sexual, or platonic? Hiyori is a boy of analyzing and knowledge, he’s not used to feeling stumped over a subject. Such complex feelings are so out of touch with him, he prefers tangible things. Love and emotions similar aren’t easy to digest. Every emotion is always up in the air and up to interpretation. 

Is the thought of him being gay possibly causing distress? Or is it the thought he might not be and he’s overcomplicating his mind? His mind is a chaotic river, thoughts flow in one direction, unknowing that the ocean that holds the answers is in the other direction.

★✯★

Tsuyoshi is leaving Ikuya’s hospital room rather happy, he was informed Ikuya would only be there for a few more days. He’s relieved as is Ikuya. While making his way out he spots a familiar face holding thick dark framed seeing glasses. Tsuyoshi greets Hiyori in the hallway and informs him Ikuya’s stay will end on Friday. The glee in Hiyori’s face warms Tsuyoshi’s heart. But Hiyori suddenly remembers he was struggling this morning… He has a question to ask… 

“This is very random and I’m very sorry if you take offense to this, I don’t mean offense.” Hiyori bows his head and his voice was soft so Ikuya was definitely unable to hear it. Tsuyoshi is intrigued. He’s assuming something inoffensive will spill from this young man’s mouth, “How… How did you know you were gay?” Hiyori’s voice is even more soft and hushed. Tsuyoshi remembers the night Ikuya asked that same question, he smiles and so does his heart. It’s a normal inoffensive question, he expected much. Hiyori is a kind person and wouldn’t be rude to someone for no reason.

“Let’s talk outside real quick,” Tsuyoshi guides Hiyori to the front of the hospital, despite the fact they’re very much in public, it’s still more private than the middle of a hospital hallway.

Hiyori opens his ears and his mind to whatever conversation will come of this. He worries Tsuyoshi is getting the wrong (or right) idea, but he sets aside his pride.

“How to know if you’re gay is rather simple,” The words are accussing and not what Hiyori thought was gonna be said but he listens anyway. He figures Tsuyoshi is onto him, he probably knows more than Hiyori thinks. “Let’s start simply, can you see yourself hugging or holding hands with a man?”

Hiyori squints his eyes very slightly and tilts his head, heavy in thought. Yes. He can picture this…

“How about kissing a man?” 

Kissing? He tries to look neutral in front of Tsuyoshi and as if he’s totally not picturing himself kissing his son. But yes, he can picture himself kissing Ikuya. He loves the idea of it, it makes his heart race.

“If you can picture yourself having sex with another man and you’re not repulsed by the thought, you’re probably gay or bisexual at least.”

“Oh… okay?” His ‘okay’ came out as a question due to his confused and absorbed mind. The information he was given makes sense. He didn’t really think about the aspect of picturing himself with Ikuya. Hiyori lacks self-confidence, so picturing himself in situations like that was never something he’d think of doing. But picturing it isn’t repulsive… It’s freeing? Maybe due to the fact he has his answer at least, he’s most definitely… Gay.

For so many years when he thought of Ikuya, from the time in kindergarten, he was a good friend that could have been. A hero to him in some sad way. He never in a million years thought that the boy in his memory would come back, that he would be really cute and really interesting and totally his type. Never in a million years did he think he’d have to think about romance but it was thrown at his face with such astronomical force.

Romance was never supposed to be in his story, he thinks. The thought of romance growing up made him feel rather sad. He never thought he could feel it or that anyone would fall in love with him. Making friends was really hard, he never successfully did it except for Ikuya, so why would someone be in love with him? It never made sense to how someone could fall in love solely because he felt no one could love him. The sad false reality he created in his head is hard to shake, but possible. His thoughts, feelings, and desires are intertwining and changing. 

Maybe romance _is_ written in his story?

★✯★

Ikuya feels Hiyori’s aura is different than it had been the past couple weeks. He seems more… Fluffy?

“You seem to be in a good mood!” Ikuya hurries to take out his earbuds and sets his iPod aside.

He wasn’t really expecting anyone else to come in, he spends his alone time watching his small little TV on the wall and listening to music on his iPod. His dad and brother have been filling it with music they assume he’ll like. Luckily for everyone, it’s his taste, Ian snoops on him watching MTV and notices the songs Ikuya seems to change his mood to on the radio. He was also given a sketchbook and some pencils by Natsuya, he was told to ‘pick up a new hobby while he’s in the hospital’. Natsuya is very typical… 

“Yeah, I guess I am!” His smile is genuine, Ikuya’s perception of his old smiles shifts. Taking his old smiles at face value was silly. Hiyori has a genuine smile before him right now. The other smiles were distraught, sad, and false.

Their time together is well spent and full of great conversations Hiyori and Ikuya both will cherish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the last one and it's rather... big and pretty emotional~


	8. A Summer of Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of... uh........ meddlesome parents is ahead...?? oh and some cussing, I guess idk fdkljafsd  
> So I wrote this chapter at the same time as the rest of the story but my motivation was so SHOT sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> Sorry for any discrepancies, typos, or grammar mistakes... I'm just EVERYWHERE! Hopefully, this can get you through CURRENT EVENTS(tm)! Please look forward to more fics from me as I need to get my ass back into the grove~

Ikuya’s time in the hospital has wrapped up and he’s beyond ecstatic to be released. There’s a new sense of freedom for him to experience. His last hospital stay last year after Haru saved him was only two weeks, this was a little over four weeks. If it happens again does it make its way between six and seven weeks? There should never be another time though, he thinks to himself as he gathers the small amount of items and his hospital papers.

His journey back was longer than he thought it would be, for one they stopped to grab something to eat. That’s one thing Ikuya hasn’t really done in America, eat out. As of right now, almost half his time has been in the hospital. He’s with his brother, his father, and Ian. The menu is kinda overwhelming even though every so often he practices English, even in the hospital he has. Hiyori even helped. One of the nurses would help him too. Everyone seemed overly friendly at times. Did he deserve the kindness?

The people around him, their voices specifically, are filling his mind when he wants to concentrate. His face scrunches as a side effect. Tsuyoshi notices his younger son’s demeanor is off, possibly anxious? He reaches his hand out. Offers to help him read the menu. Ikuya shakes his head, his hair bouncing at the sheer force of his shakes. He feels incompetent in more than one way.

The menu. It’s hard to read, he can barely read it. The voices of everyone around him. They’re filling his ears like water had filled his lungs. It’s distracting and overstimulating. At least he had time to think about everything in the hospital, where it’s pretty quiet.

His feelings. He’s been able to assess them. He understands how he felt about Haru and now how he is starting to feel about Hiyori. Sexuality is a weird thing but now that he’s been able to analyze himself and his attractions he feels a little more free.

His mind worries though, is Hiyori a replacement of Haru? It’s a melancholic thought. Love and attraction, maybe infatuation? Comes and goes, he’s learned. Hiyori has been ever so kind to him, he’s interesting, though… Sometimes he never shuts up. Maybe that’s another quirk he can grow to love. His voice is nice and he’s there for him when he’s lonely. Hiyori is a good friend but… How would Hiyori feel if Ikuya confessed that he’s starting to see him as more than a friend? 

Ikuya sighs as he spins the straw of his water, the ice clinking the sides of the glasses. He rests his head on his left hand. His mind is racing, people are distracting, and he’s growing worried internally.

The three around him pester him about how he is, all he can say is he’s fine, he wants to leave it at that. He’s not broken, he’s only overwhelmed and is catching a major headache.

★✯★

Sitting at his desk, Ikuya messes with his pencil while his journal is open. He’s wanting to get in the habit of writing his feelings. Similar to having a diary, but he refuses to call it that. He’s listening to his iPod and he's drawing little doodles on the edges of the page, to not disturb the future words that will make their way to the center. He’s trying his best to concentrate on his feelings, and even more than usual to be able to write them down.

The first hours back home from the hospital have been suffocating to say the least (maybe not the best analogy). He wishes to see Hiyori but he doubts Hiyori will be able to meet up with him at this hour, he looks at the clock… 10:27 pm.

With a sigh, he takes out his earbuds, thinking maybe he can call him at least. Ikuya makes his way to the home phone in the hallway and dials Hiyori’s number. It rings a couple times and then it’s answered…

“Ne~ Hiyori, how are you?” Ikuya’s voice is enthusiastic, he craves Hiyori’s sugary tone. He’s never had his parent’s pick up the phone, he knows they’re mostly away for work, that’s why when he heard a woman’s voice he got rather shocked.

“Hiyori is sleeping, is this... Kirishima-kun? Did you get out of the hospital?” The woman asks. Hiyori obviously sees his parents sometimes, so it shouldn’t be shocking that he is known by his mother.

“Oh, I don’t wanna bother him if he’s sleeping sorry, and yes it is and yes, I left today.” His voice is slowly growing more awkward. His words felt very unnatural, but he can’t help but stiffen up.

“Why doesn’t the caller ID say Kirishima?” She asks, confused. He can’t help but think there is ill intent there… But he lets it go. She may just be confused right? After all… Kirishima is his last name and the caller ID isn’t reflecting it.

It hurt, though. He doesn’t have his dad’s last name. When him and his brother were born they received their mother’s name due to the fact his parents were never married.

“Oh, I have my mom’s last name. I’m at my dad’s house.” Ikuya was only honest with her. Though remembering the fact that he has no name tied to his dad, it’s something that stings his heart.

“That’s strange, were they never married?” She’s getting meddlesome, he’s rather annoyed but he confirms they weren’t wedded. Why lie… But why answer? “That’s gotta be bad for you right?” Ikuya wants to hang up, she probably is nosey because she means well but it’s rude. He feels gross and icky.

“I’m just fine so I don’t think so, my brother is fine too.”

“Parents like that can really mess up a kid, lots of bad people have parents like yours. Criminals and murderers.”

His heart broke and he’s upset, he pushes back his tears to reply with as much dignity as he can muster before slamming the phone down, “I’m sorry I have to go, bye.” The slam of the phone causes Natsuya to peep his head up from downstairs.

“Oi! You okay? Why are you slamming stuff?” Natsuya was only concerned but Ikuya wasn’t having it, he yelled at him and shut his door with way more force than he put on the phone.

Natsuya gave one of his loudest, most drawn-out sighs, he looks back to Ian and Tsuyoshi who he was conversing with. “Should I go up there?” He asks, stepping down from that first step he was perched on.

“I’ll do it,” Tsuyoshi says, getting up and heading upstairs hoping to relieve his son’s distress.

★✯★

“She told you bad people have parents like me and your mom?” Tsuyoshi was surprised he was able to calmly converse with Ikuya after he was slamming things. Wasn’t this supposed to be a new beginning? Why is he acting like a baby? Tsuyoshi is at least thankful he’s not trying to scratch his eyes out. “That’s messed up, but you can’t let it get to you Ikuya. Our family isn’t the worst. It’s a good family, just a little odd…”

Ikuya knows that. Ikuya loves his family. His mother, his father, his brother, and he’s even growing to like Ian (despite the lack of blood). For him, it was the fact she had the audacity to talk about _his_ family like it was _her_ business. It’s infuriating to him.

Hiyori isn’t like this, the fact the apple went so far from the tree is really a blessing. His friend has never said anything about his dad being gay in a negative way, never judged his mom for not being married when she had his brother and him. He’s not one to really judge such silly and trivial things. Who cares if someone’s parents are married. If someone has a single parent? If someone has a gay parent? It’s stupid to judge kids on their parents. His mother is kind and protective. His father is understanding and observant. Hell… even Ian is pretty good at ‘parenting’ for what it’s worth. He’s grateful for all three of the adults in his life.

The backwards ‘logic’ is astounding to Ikuya. Ikuya’s mom and dad, and even Ian are present in his life. They’re there for him. They’re by his side, they talk to him, even if he doesn’t want to talk, they care for him, they spend time with him. Hiyori’s parents don’t really do that. A few times, when he was still in the hospital, when Hiyori would visit, he’s talked about his parents. He knows they work over 80 hours a week. He knows they’re neglectful of him. There was a sad point where Hiyori told him he hadn’t eaten at the dinner table with his parents in over six months. Ikuya can only recall a few times (other than hospital stays) that he didn’t eat at the table with his family. Hiyori’s parents are the bad parents, not his. They’re causing their child pain. His family isn’t causing him pain. The projection is fucking Ikuya up.

★✯★

Ikuya’s swimming school has been so welcoming to him even though he had missed a month of training. He’s rather overwhelmed by the support he’s been getting as of late. Even several weeks after he’s gotten out of the hospital, everyone has been super friendly. Out of pity? Maybe. But he’s coming out of his shell by the amount of people who also are coming out of theirs. He’s talking to more and more peers. His confidence is growing. He’s also picked up on getting better at the butterfly and backstroke. Hiyori offered to help his backstroke too. Hiyori is and has been his number one supporter, he plans to keep it that way. Ikuya’s only hope is to grow… Not shrink.

But as Ikuya bonds more with his peers despite his fear, and certainly more with Hiyori, he can’t help but think if this moment and feeling will last? He wants people who are like this around him forever but can’t help but have that sad lingering feeling that he’ll be abandoned once more.

★✯★

It’s August 11th, Ikuya can’t sit still… It’s been exactly one year since he made his wish with Haru. The peak of the Perseids. He can’t shake his feeling, he grabs a warm fuzzy blanket and folds it and wraps it around his arm. He needs to see him. He wants to talk to Hiyori. He wants to be with him. The flow of irrational thoughts crashes over him like a tidal wave. One stupid thought that spilled over him stands out though. He winces at the actions he will do but it’s fine, he thinks. Ikuya wants to sneak out and be with Hiyori. Luckily, Ikuya knows where Hiyori lives, and it’s not far at all.

It’s just past midnight and his dad and Ian have just plopped themselves into dreamland. He’s thankful their floorboards don’t really creek but he’s still careful. As soon as he’s close to the front door he hears a sound from behind him. Ikuya rapidly turns to see his brother, arms crossed, glaring at him.

“Where are you going?” His voice was stern.

“Be quiet, uhh…” Ikuya stutters, “I wanna see the meteor shower.” Ikuya is only being half honest. Yes, he wants to see the Perseids, but he’s also going six and a half blocks down the road to see Hiyori to watch them with him. Thus his statement is exactly half right… At least it’s not a lie?

Natsuya knows Ikuya is telling the truth but has no idea what his mind doubts, he shrugs, “Okay, but don’t go too far and please come back in within an hour.”

No. Ikuya refuses to do that but nods and promises to be back. Natsuya worries too much, Ikuya thinks as he shuts the door softly. He moves though, he walks and makes his way to Hiyori’s house. His older brother watches him from the curtain make his way down the road, staring directly up to the sky. A clear sky, sadly the full moon is rather distracting but he did hear it’s the peak of the meteor shower the next few nights.

Ikuya looks up most of the time he’s on his way to Hiyori’s house. The full moon is rather annoying but there is a park with no lights at night that will help him see the shooting stars. The street lights don’t help either.

Once he makes his way to Hiyori’s house he notices one car is in the driveway. Unable to determine if it’s his mom or dad, he can’t risk knocking on the front door. He looks around, he sees a few pebbles and thinks this is the silliest rom-com idea but he takes it. He’s been to Hiyori’s house a few times, when his parents weren’t home. He throws the small pebbles at Hiyori’s window and after a minute he sees the light turn on. Slowly uncovering himself while Hiyori adjusts the glasses he hurried up to put on, he looks outside and down to Ikuya, who has a blanket wrapped in his arm. He waves, Hiyori waves back and opens his window.

“What~?” Hiyori is intrigued by Ikuya’s goofy actions. He tries to convey a sense of longing in his voice. This is incredibly romantic and it’s truly Hiyori’s dream come true. He’s like Rapunzel and he has to let his hair down to let his prince climb up to him.

Ikuya dances a little because he’s nervous, “Come down.”

Hiyori needs no further explanation. He nods and shuts the window and curtains. Turning off his light he makes his way into the hallway only to be approached by his father. He could tell his father wasn’t in a good mood.

“What are you doing? You’re supposed to be in bed.” The voice of his father causes his skin to crawl. He grows goosebumps, but he knows what to say.

“I’m just really thirsty, I need some water.” He smiles at his father who huffs. His smile is fake and desperate but he buys it thankfully. He always buys his fake smile.

Hiyori makes his way downstairs, he does get some water but he manages to slip out the back door and sees Ikuya hugging the fence.

“Sorry, I saw another light turn on next to your room so I had to like… Hide?”

“Makes sense, my dad is home. What do you want?” Hiyori asks. He seems concerned but Ikuya gives him the biggest smile. A genuine smile.

“I wanna watch the meteor shower with you, Hiyori.”

Hiyori processes these words and falls head over heels. He nods his head, and Ikuya explains there’s a park a few blocks away that has no lights, so they can see the stars better. Hiyori looks at the moon. Too bad it’s full, he thinks to himself.

★✯★

Ikuya lays out his soft blanket so the two of them can rest and watch the shooting stars above without straining their necks.

“There, hopefully it’s a little comfortable.” 

“It should be fine, I appreciate you doing this.”

There's silence after Hiyori gives Ikuya his appreciation… It’s not awkward at all either, it’s not neutral either. It’s a silence full of warmth.

The sprawl out next to each other, Ikuya moves his arms to his side, while Hiyori puts his crossed behind his head like they’re a pillow. They’re both relaxed.

Little ‘did you see that’ and ‘ooo pretty’ escapes their mouths every so often. They’re both deep in thought and without needing to verbalize their minds to each other, they’re at peace. They lie together, peaceful and silent for what seems like years but eventually, Ikuya can’t help but ask a far too familiar question.

“Have you ever made a wish on a shooting star?” He looks to his left to see Hiyori had already been looking at him, his heart skips several beats.

“No. From a scientific standpoint, it has no effect on what you want, need, or dream of.”

“What a Hiyori answer!” Ikuya laughs. “It’s so you!”

“Have you?” Hiyori asks… It’s too familiar. The question is the same but somehow the feeling is different.

Ikuya nods, “I have a few times.”

“Have they come true?” Hiyori wants to prove his point.

“I dunno…” Ikuya’s answer was soft-spoken. Sad and yet hopeful, there’s still time for his wishes to come true, _if they haven’t already._

“Depending on what you wish for, you can make it happen yourself.”

Hiyori’s words are eerily similar to Haru’s but they’re hitting his soul differently. A big smile grows on Ikuya’s face. “Yeah, you’re right.” A small laugh escapes him too.

Both their hearts are pounding irregularly, they both decide to watch the sky above. Hiyori switches his position for his arms and decides to rest them by his sides. He accidentally brushes Ikuya’s hand with his own. They’re both flustered, but Ikuya reaches back for his hand to hold… They sit like this, hand and hand, staring at the universe above, making many wishes in their heads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let's talk about this dumb headcanon i have with their dad i swear dfskalmgksl;fddsfkjd;adsfgg


End file.
